When your life is wrecked

 

Yesterday, as I looked for the puppy's chewy-ball, I heard a horrible noise and looked in time to see a large touring motorcycle flip, fling, roll, and skid outside. I yelled to Madi to call 911 and  raced to the mess with a bottle of water and a wobbly prayer.

She called and by the time I ran to the highway's edge, the cyclist and his passenger were on the curb; bloodied, dazed, concussed, but intact. They had lost a chain.

The driver had miraculously avoided the worst of traumas in how he carefully handled the disorienting flips and skids. His intention saved both he and his passenger.

I offered water, held a hand, prayed silently, and left as soon as the first responders showed up.

These folks will be okay. They will bear scars and rashes, but they will  heal and hopefully ride into new adventures.

*   *   *

About this train wreck of living

After talking to my friend, Rob, one of the few people that I will listen to in any given situation, I have decided to remove a few recent blogs.

I trust Rob. He knows this and will not take advantage of it or me. I trust his wife, Lisa, without exception.

And my friend and mentor who offers life and truth and baked goods into many of us has spoken truth to me-the hard wonderings of a friend who sees  and loves me.

Because their wisdom is gently offered, unforced, and they really know me, I have the courage to say that – for now – I will quiet and still my heart. I will rely upon an unseen God to act as my Defender…to live out Psalm 37 (check it out here, http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+37&version=NIV&utm_expid=13466113-5). Watch for him with me.

Let me tell you why I am pulling the posts:

• As right as my anger and grief are, this public grieving will not likely lead to healing or justice. It will muddy the waters and delay a return to wholeness or destroy me. I can think of a few people I know who have been destroyed this way and they do not go under alone.
• I love my children and as hard as it may be to believe – I love the three kids of kindness that stood with us in November. They were not complicit in this, but they have been hurt seeing this in the public arena. They may not believe this love. That is their choice and I respect them.
• I need to move, find a job that will build community, and be in a safe place among family and friends (or closer to them). Writing any further about this train wreck at this time and while it is still so raw may prejudice folks – get in the way of the opportunity to serve in my professional capacity.
• Regardless of truth, stigma remains. I will be a voice for the crushed; bear witness.  First, I need to have a safe and secure place to land.
• I want to help tell the stories of people who have chosen life and health and forgiveness and peace. I can't do that right now. I'm not there yet, but soon-ish, I will be. And hopefully, it will bring life unfettered, health uncompromised, and peace that surpasses all imagining. Instead of sinking deeper and bringing others along in the poo, I will rise and invite others to rise with me.

So, the wreck has already been cordoned off. 

The shattered remains have been swept into a pile.

Nothing will undo the bleeding, fear, brokenness, and pain.

There is no Orwellian retraction to history.

But healing will come.

In time and in the company of friends and family, running the Konza, throwing snowballs, serving Manhappiness, laughing at Trivia, and kayaking around the lake – God will make a way. That's his job.

My job is to keep walking and one day, I will realize that I have slept for weeks without nightmares.

That my startle response will have mellowed again.

And that even in the train wrecks of this living, grace, forgiveness, and peace will be left behind.