On this day…

On this day one year ago…

I was finishing up the last bits of cleaning to our empty home before its final sale.  Diane, my best friend when the babies were tiny, and Lisa, a friend from our kids' school days,  popped over to help…on Independence Day. Such people.

With the home empty and ready to sell, I found one of Kenan's old soldier/cowboy figures out in the backyard on my way to empty one last load of trash.

I lost it and whimpered back through the empty bungalow that had been our home for so many years. Touched the walls of my old room that had to be repainted because of the marks left by countless Bibles that I had chucked when seeking a God who seemed so distant and quiet to my family's distress.

Madi's WildCat purple and Shrek green room was freshly one color. I had fought painting over the place where she had scratched out her name and a date. Kenan's room and his hideaway closet were also antique white; no longer the greens of a growing young man.

Rachel had come by to paint the door trim because I couldn't…at least not in the kitchen where we'd marked the kids heights (and a few friends) and giggled as Kenan shot past Madi…nearly a foot and a half. I took a picture and still laugh at friends like Mark and Dan who insisted on getting measured, too. Such people.

The wood floors that Trish had helped to uncover…and then Gil had helped fix after we discovered the thick linoleum glue between the carpet and eventually gorgeous floor. I owe him more than that bottle of wine and her more than I could ever say.

Thursday night meals with Tracy and Jo. Morning coffee with Jami and all manners of shenanigans with her and her boys…

Tears had been shed, kisses kissed, books read, cheers, fusses, yawns and yarns; Bible Study, desperate prayers, poker played with the Isotopes (Kenan won-while still in elementary school) before the New Years fireworks in the Ville, celebrations made, and grace found in this colorful home. And we were leaving it. July 4, 2011, was the last full day…the last night that I slept in that home-our home.

Katie, Dave, Big John, Clara, and Madi and I had met up with Lou at the sushi place in Aggieville before the fireworks at CiCo Park. We lolled on the hill where Madi had taken her first sledding adventure…before she was born and had joined me in slamming into a tree that first time. Where we'd bundled up in the bitter winds when I'd taken Kenan and her out of school so we could play in the deep snow before it melted. We'd spent so much time around this hill to cool off in the hot windy summers at CiCo pool, run the loop, ride the twirly-gigs at the County Fair nearby, shake hands and kiss babies on behalf of sesquicentennials, Sunset Zoo, City-related gigs and more; cheer Kenan as he practiced Jaguar football, and feast on the fruits of the farmers' at the Wednesday Market.

Rhonda, Jo, and later Shelly, Jane, and then Katie and I had run that loop. Katie even ran near on her first running race…in the snow because Manhattan Running Company had a wild idea and wild hair for a winter race.

But last 4th of July was the good bye…and hello to a new life.

Had I known what God had in mind, I would not have had the courage to leave that place, home, M3 (Marcia Marcia Marcia), the familiar, all those friends, the slacker row at church (I'm talking to you, Heidi & Randy Harris), and the snow, snowleopards and cheesy movie nights at the Zoo, Zombie run, and Flint Hills.

Had I known that I'd fall apart and be rendered useless in the old ways of "getting things done", I'd have never sold that house.

And I'd have missed so much.

Freedom (the deep soul freedom that only one guy could fight for effectively). Hope. Life. Real authenticity.

I'd have missed so much.

A certain Texan. New friends who are both beautiful and smart, adventuresome and true, generous and full of grace and life.

I'm so glad that on this day one year ago I was clueless.

Because now, though I miss the friends and family (MIMI & MOE!), I am happier than I've ever been. I have a hard to define job in a cubefarm, I live alone with a cat that makes me sneeze and wheeze and who really needs a new friend a room to roam, and I'm not running…so "portly" is part of who I am.

I'm not in control, not calling the shots, no longer wanting to establish your perception of me (with hopes for shock and awe), and I finally know what freedom means…imperfectly, of course.

One year ago, I'd have mussed it up had I known what loneliness and messiness lay ahead.

And now, I don't really know what is up for the next six months, but I've only got six months on my lease and then I'll need a new address and job-ish.

Adventures in Missions has been a gracious and good place to work and fall apart. Seth Barnes and crew work hard to live faithfully and merrily in the hand of an unseen God; to offer life where despair rules the day. I believe in the work here and scattered to the winds in the lives of brave and mostly young – people.

Such people.

Such a year.

Thank you for joining me on this adventure. Stick with me and will find out what the next year has in store.