With Epoch2011 in a few days and life trundling on, I must confess that I have not delved deeply into the serious business of Happiness. I will, but a book about women in the Congo, a chance to celebrate recovery from paralysis, and distraction have temporarily curbed the study. As a sociologist, I will offer a few observations of Happiness for your consideration (feel free to jump in with your own thoughts & observations).
- Happiness is short term: check out the photo on the right. These lads are quite pleased and happy with their homemade splash park/bar. That is until an errant drop of water flies over the floating flip flops and into the electrical outlet bobbing about the water. Yes. Happy for the first beer…not so happy for the last.
- Stuff does not equal happiness: okay-so I don't have a telly, but I have heard about the show "Hoarders." I've also seen the movie, "Grey Gardens" about heiresses who live in rotting opulence and squalor. If you can't find the original, read the book or find the update that starred Drew Barrymore. Or just think about the last impulse buy you made. I'm learning to try to head off the "OOOOO OOOOO OOOO" excitement of that must have CD of Jock Jams before I leave Sisters of Sound full of immediately waning happiness. I have seen people accumulate stuff and degrees and applause all their lives to fill an empty hole-a void-a cipher. Stuff becomes paramount and people and relationships become conduits for more stuff. What a waste. (Don't do it.)
- Perfection does not equal happiness: perfection is impossible and its lure seductive to people pleasers. Trust me on this one. Pursuit of perfection crashes more relationships than poor financial habits.
- Happiness vectors are not universal: Get me on a slope with ski tips pointing down the lift line and my Happy quotient peaks (or so the theory goes). My sister, Mimi, in that same situation-probably not as happy. However, load up the front lawn with 4th of July pyrotechnics and Mimi is in her element (while I am behind closed windows -oooing and ahhing in relative safety). Let me put it another way: a meal of beans and rice could make for a poor Saturday night meal , but that same simple dish becomes a feast in good company, or after a long climb, or if you have been hungry (and maybe out of work) for a long time.
- Thresholds seem to vary over time and among people/situations re: Happiness: I love people, but as an introvert, I have a timer that seems to go off in my head that says-oooh, I have reached and exceeded my happy place. Face-to-face and in small groups, that timer has a long fuse; in a large group my happy meter goes off early. I love the people, I enjoy the excitement and the opportunity to learn new things, but – ding! – my Happy cookies are done and ready to leave the oven. And now – the everyday ordinary life of cooking with Madi and Kenan and sitting around a table of friends or walk on the Konza seems to be the holy grail of Happiness, where for many years-only the promise of glitter and power lunches seemed to promise that woohoo-ness. We change.
- Happiness is elusive; joy and relationships are foundational. Yesterday, my best friend from college called, Madi sent a picture of a VW van in her campsite, Kenan texted to let me know he'd run by Sisters of Sound, a mentor called about plans he and his wife are making, and I talked to my friend, M3 while barreling through the leaves and around the lake. Oooh. What a day of happiness. In the background is still the wondering about next steps, where do I fit, how can I serve, prayers for healing, prayers for faith and constancy, news items that bring me to tears…and a too quiet apartment. I am blessed with friends – new and vintage. This brings joy…always. I have a God who is patient and continues to challenge me forward ("further on and further up") and who has allowed this quiet to be used to reveal himself to me and hopefully others. I got nothing, but him and these friends and a curious hope (and a blind one-eyed cat that makes me sneeze and needs a cat fancier for an owner). And that is enough. "Grace aplenty" as my dad would say.
- Happiness does not depend on perfection and joy does not depend on us. Thank goodness. That makes me happy (and relieved.)
Have a great day, kids! Eat your veggies, take a stroll around the block, and let me know what you observe in your good lives about Happiness. I will listen.
