If they show up, act lively

"If they show up, act lively…"

At Taco Bell the other night, my friend told a story about a group of leaders sprawled out exhausted on a beach while their 60 or so young charges "bonded" nearby.  The group had cycled 60 miles the day before and were toast; mileage and shepherding undergrads had taken its toll.  They were tired.  But they wanted to be good leaders and mentors, and they wanted to model a "get up and go" attitude.  That's when one person said about the younger students, "If they show up, act lively…"

I laughed when she said it, but it has stuck with me and has me wondering.   My friend is wise and witty and true so this is not a reflection on her.  It's just a few of my thoughts about how we choose to live.

We work so hard to "appear" this or that and I think we lose our way in appearances.  Our mirror reflection becomes more important that the richness of our messy 3-D life.

*  After graduating from high school in Germany, I ventured on a three-week Project Bold leadership course in the mountains of Bavaria.  At the time, I think it would have been great to have a leader that fessed up to real exhaustion.  Brad Udall, my Project Bold leader, and Raini, his assistant, were energizer bunnies and I respected them and wanted to earn their approval so I plowed on…something I've been doing since.  Perseverance is a magnificent learned behavior or attitude, but so are rest and transparency.

*  Where did all of the rules for our behavior originate and to what real purpose?  When Madi & Kenan were tiny tots, I invested in a Little Golden Book called, Manners Make You Nice to Know.  I knew that kindness and consideration were good manners and opened doors in life and wanted to do my best to launch them into a competitive world.  Somehow, I also expected them to act as if the Queen Mother was coming to dinner  to rate the quality of our home..us.  Fortunately, reason gave way.  Our meals around the table eventually became respite from a frantic world, goofy, noise-producing.  And I miss them so (not so much the noises).  Yes, manners make you nice to know, but relationship makes you family.  (Note to Mayeses, so sorry about teaching John to say, "air biscuit").

*  What would happen if we were transparent – eschewing appearances for real life?  I think that reality celebrities (isn't that an oxymoron?) would be a thing of the past, relationships would be restored, and people would sit out on their front porches more often meeting their neighbors.  You know, when you have little, you have less to fret and fuss about.  Hospitality becomes sharing what you have rather than promoting what you have.  

I know that this is so simplistic. I'm living this challenge course away from performance, pride, and appearances, towards freedom and community.  There is more to freedom than forgoing appearances, but it is a good place to start.  We really don't need to Keep up with the Kardashians or work so hard in Keeping Up Appearances.  What would happen if we nurtured relationships and one another instead?  We'd seem a lot less silly and maybe enjoy richer relationships and greater rest. 

And now for something completely different from the BBC:  an introduction to Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced "Bouquet") and her quest in Keeping Up with Appearances.  Please watch (and yes, it is a bit crass, but brilliant.)