As I've been thinking about the science…the gift of "Happiness", it seems like God has been challenging my perceptions about who he is and what he expects of us. I hunkered down for four days recently just seeking him – no real agenda – just a need to knock on his door and have him open it.
Curiously, he showed up and this is some of what I learned:
- Jesus hung on that cross out of love and not judgement
Yep. Everything else kind of pales in comparison.
I wish I could say that the heavens opened and I no longer wake up with a foul attitude or that in pressing into the presence of God I am no longer lonely or even that knowing that God loves me unconditionally has made me more kind and less self-centered. Not yet. But it's a start. And for someone with ADHD, it seems that God is drawing me to himself and we are taking the scenic route.
So that's why I changed the name of this blog from "a rumor of something more" to "taking the scenic route." I am willing to let this new life of freedom and truth percolate into being rather than force it with a need to be or change RIGHT NOW.
I no longer want to jump out in front of God and "get things done" as much as I want to find what he's doing and ask him if I can join him.
I want to open up and allow him to love me the way he has planned rather than to judge him and his capacity to love by a series of expectations borne of my own brokenness.
And my hope is that by allowing him to love me fully, I'll be able to love him more fully and love his kids – whether they love him or not. Just loving folks without expectation or assumption or attempt to leverage/curry favor.
Just love him and let him sort out my heart's cry, the love and missing that I have for Madi & Kenan, friends, healing this broken world, and sorting out how to be a part of restoring, redeeming, recycling hurt for hope. This would make me happy. Truly.
If you have any thoughts or insights, bring them on.
And as music seems to express this better than I, a little ditty by David Crowder & the Band for your consideration.
My dear, one of the toughest things in my own life was to let go and Let God. It is the human emotion of control. I like to think I have control, but I don’t, and it’s a hard one to choke down. I want to take a stroll with Him. Just going along, in no hurry, going where only He knows. BUt, that trust thing, that is one I am working on. I like to say, I am a work in progress……
I like that: recycling hurt for hope
Allie–This is something the Lord has been teaching me this week as well. To me, He clearly said, “If you just worry about pressing into me and following my Spirit’s leading, the rest will come in time. You don’t need to know where you are going right now. Just focus on knowing me and before you know it you’ll be somewhere great that you never imagined!” Something I’ve always known, but needed a huge reminder of! thanks for your thoughts today!
Love the words…the song…and the truth expressed here. This expresses recent thoughts of how freedom in Christ–at the great expense of The Cross–is ours, and how very giddy that sometimes makes me. With that freedom comes a deep desire to impart it to others–just as you are doing Allie. Beautiful.
Beautiful, Allie. I can empathize as I’m dealing with many of the same issues. The verse that comes to mind is:
Mat 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Mat 11:30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Remember, God doesn’t call us to anything but Himself. All else is born out of the intimacy of that relationship!!
Blessings.