As I've been thinking about the science...the gift of "Happiness", it seems like God has been challenging my perceptions about who he is and what he expects of us.  I hunkered down for four days recently just seeking him - no real agenda - just a need to knock on his door and have him open it.

Curiously, he showed up and this is some of what I learned:

• Jesus hung on that cross out of love and not judgement

Yep.  Everything else kind of pales in comparison. 

I wish I could say that the heavens opened and I no longer wake up with a foul attitude or that in pressing into the presence of God I am no longer lonely or even that knowing that God loves me unconditionally has made me more kind and less self-centered.  Not yet.  But it's a start.  And for someone with ADHD, it seems that God is drawing me to himself and we are taking the scenic route.

So that's why I changed the name of this blog from "a rumor of something more" to "taking the scenic route."  I am willing to let this new life of freedom and truth percolate into being rather than force it with a need to be or change RIGHT NOW.

I no longer want to jump out in front of God and "get things done" as much as I want to find what he's doing and ask him if I can join him.

I want to open up and allow him to love me the way he has planned rather than to judge him and his capacity to love by a series of expectations borne of my own brokenness. 

And my hope is that by allowing him to love me fully, I'll be able to love him more fully and love his kids - whether they love him or not.  Just loving folks without expectation or assumption or attempt to leverage/curry favor. 

Just love him and let him sort out my heart's cry, the love and missing that I have for Madi & Kenan, friends, healing this broken world, and sorting out how to be a part of restoring, redeeming, recycling hurt for hope.  This would make me happy.  Truly. 

If you have any thoughts or insights, bring them on. 

And as music seems to express this better than I, a little ditty by David Crowder & the Band for your consideration.