Not so much.

Moving to Georgia has
only removed my hiding places of busyness, community, work, family &
friends, routine, inertia, and my super comfy couch.  It's like going from Munich's Monsters of
Rock to the silence of the moon - expecting the angst to die down in the
absence of the noise and the refuge of place. 
But the insecurities follow. 

Like Peter Pan - only in
reverse - I'm asking to have the shadows removed and tossed into the rubbish
heap to burn away.  Instead, the shadows
join each move and billow behind me in this quieter place - at this quieter
pace.

So here's the good news:  There is no place to hide here though I am meeting folks and slowly plunging into a few
adventures.  Here - I hope - is where that
weary work ends - all of the FEAR that has both motivated me to please and
paralyzed me from loving and risking F∙A∙I∙L∙U∙R∙E (just writing that word makes me sweat) is unchained from this life
and the good stuff will have more room to thrive and grow.

A thought:  in ancient Rome,
soldiers would tightly secure a corpse to the body of a criminal as a means of
restitution & execution.  Like those
criminals, I can't wrestle out of the dead bodies I've been carrying all these
years.  But I can live here in what's
been called "God's learning laboratory" and live my messy life and trust him to
free me.  And hopefully he'll create some good out of it all.

He doesn't need my help to set me free from this body of death. 
Like Eustis in the book, The
Voyage of the Dawn Treader, I just need to ask for his help and quit trying
to do it on my own.  Let him release me
from the awful scalyness that has become my skin.  To be free from the rotting effects of sexual
abuse (not a relative) and a volatile house is worth the move and bumbling here.  And hopefully...H∙O∙P∙E∙F∙U∙L∙L∙Y this life...this freedom will be
freedom for others."

("A runner must run
with a dream in his heart."  Emil
Zatopek)

John 15:11b "Your
Joy will overflow..."  New Living
Translation