Wasn't it yesterday

that I was on my face

in fear 

that I had failed...

diapers

expectations

divorce papers

new school

new church

new friends

new job

old job

kids in high school

college

dozens of things

left in the yard

late nights waiting

hellos

Zoo days

good byes

I love yous

giggling around the table

working out the shower schedule

tears

joys

Christmases

snow

impromptu mud pits

forts

dinner al fresco (on the front porch)

friends asleep on the porch

just waiting

painting

sidewalk chalk

chilly sprinklers

grazing the garden

Martha B, Rainy & Mike, Jami

Easter mornings

What I'd do 

to have them tumbling back in the yard

the scooters

bikes

big yellow pedal car

Legos underfoot

bagel making stuff soaking in the sink

Kenan's football games in the sun

birthday football camps

Madi's secret reading nook

fighting over who takes the compost out

Max, the wonderdog

the Isotopes

Liz coming by with a wagon

friendship bread

One Sociologist for Life

arms spilling with books

and more books

watercolor paints in the carpet

glow in the dark orange something in Mama's crocheted throw

Auntie Mi

Uncle Moe and ice skating

Officers Franklin & London keeping an eye out for you

Christmas lights

Meeting the Savages at the park

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

midnight Sonic runs

pre-dawn meteor showers 

and eclipse parties-dancing in the freeze to keep warm

Madi's illustration station & checkerboard ceiling

a Thanksgiving in a tiny cabin

and a birthday around Betty's beautiful table

hands held

sticky

small

bear-paw hands

What I'd give for the bikes to reappear in the yard,

to curl up on the couch and watch Little Miss Sunshine

to play Monopoly with the Queens

or share frosty beverages with my favorite Auntie & queen

bike rides with Jo

Swims with Rhonda

Running with the aMayeses at the ranch

Bible studies with everyone wrapped up in blankets because we kept the house so cold

What I'd give for one more chance

to be present

in those moments