A girl can dream, right?

Is this thing on? 

(tap.  tap.  tap.)

This week has been interesting.  

I've enjoyed some of the tastiest curry made by Texan hands & a roomful of good good hearts.

I've worked tucked away in a quiet corner of the second floor offices where the seasons dance through a window and the conversations on the other side of the cubbies bring life.

Got to read a manuscript (many times) and listen for flow, look for errant commas, and marvel at the sneaky timeliness of a God I cannot see.

Caught up with a few friends, my sister, Mimi; and the kids…adult children (that is so awkward)

Washed the cat.

Sat outside on my sunny patio in 67 degrees F this afternoon as I finished reviewing my friend's manuscript.  Both the squeaky clean allergen and I soaked up the midwinter heat wave while I worked.  

Cried a little bit (but I'm learning that is par for the course).

Watched a movie.

Ate at the Dari Spot and said good-bye to a terrifically patient IT guy.

Dinkered around on Pinterest (it's like crack for the deco/adventurer/whimsy brain)

Received a sweet wedding invitation from the Flint Hills

And admitted that I almost bailed from this wandering journey (and bought one of those teardrop campers so I could finally see the Grand Canyon, John  Muir Forest, Vermont, Maine, and Portland…).  

I love Adventures in Missions – the people – the call – the comings and goings – the integrity – and the Monday morning worship and (now) the Tuesday morning prayer-stalking*.  And Zach's curry.

It is just my place in Adventures is hard to pin down because of this thing that God is doing – like apparently revoking all marketable skills in transit from Kansas…so I get to know and depend on him more. I'm not finding myself.  I'm discovering God.  Not a tame God in a box, but a wild and vibrant Father who will fight for me – sometimes against me – on my behalf.  

Like when I wanted to run away from all of this getting up close and personal…some call it "becoming real" or "authentic"- and buy that tear drop camper and do my own Kerouacian, "On the Road with Allie", continental travelogue.  And I would have…run…had the camper dealer still had the tear drop in the lot when I returned from Kansas after Christmas.  

Even though I am finally (mostly) okay with the mystery and not knowing where God is steering this paddleboat, I'm less thrilled with the rocks that might get flipped over as I find my place in this community.  Or the pain that will continue if I do not find community…

Or if peace slips away again and "getting things done" and "do more" and "there are some windmills you don't fight, but you CONQUER" slithers back into to my lexicon.  

I'm told that this is a normal process for folks who come through Adventures and any other missions agency worth its salt.  It doesn't take a sprinkling of Jesus to go through this either, folks go looking for LIFE all the time.  Sometimes they look at home, on the telly, in the fridge, at work, or with that cutie pie at the gym.  My tendency is to look at "doing more" and adventure and proving myself and doing good, doing it better, and doing it slightly…askew.  

Here.  I'm just shedding skin like Eustace-as-the-dragon in the Voyage of the Dawn Treader.  

So until something changes or I mysteriously once again have two neurons to whack together, I will be in the high wall, with the job to actively wait and watch.  

Blog Bonus:  Thinkmap's Visual Thesaurus If you've ever wondered how my brain works…this will help answer that mystery.

*prayer-stalking: before this week, a group of us would gather together at 8 am-ish to pray for Adventures in Missions, etc.  We'd do this thing in the hour before the horde descended on the offices.  Last week, Seth suggested that we work from 8 – 9 am and then prayer-walk or "prayer-stalk" in teams of two around the offices – as an offer to pray with colleagues and a way to further activate our culture of listening prayer (still praying for your car, Braedon!)  Prayer-stalking turned out to be kind of cool – this intimate listening and conversation with the Father on behalf of friends and coworkers.  It was also a wee awkward for somebody who loves to pray with and for folks and who is equally shy.  Calling it "prayer-stalking" made it a little bit more fun and snarky-sounding… may sound weird, but going to bat for your buds this way is so fun and such a privilege!