Downloads

Today, a really nice
guy came to install my internet sometime between 1 and 7 pm.  He talked about his family, his son who is
heading to kindergarten, his dad.  He
left.  I plugged in the computer and have
been on it since.  Not sleeping to fight
off this earache.  Not reading.  Not chatting with the Big Guy.  Nope. 
I have been downloading clips and information from the interwebs.  For geeks like me, easy access to the net is
like giving a drug addict crack.  Holy
cats, I may need an intervention.

First, I downloaded a
link to a Nature video about black mambas in Swaziland that a Zoo-friend had
sent.  I was mesmerized.  It was like watching a train wreck...so
horrifyingly captivating that you cannot look away (Click Here for the PBS show). 

Black mambas are
neither warm nor fuzzy.  They are
venomous.  They are sneaky little buggers;
not black so much as grey with black fang-y mouth cavities.  They thrive in Swaziland...the very place I
hope to serve for a bit - doing whatever is needed to ease up the life crush of
AIDS orphans and the gogos that care for them. 
Mambas.  Hisssssss.  Even now, my natural inclination is to run
shrieking from the room...

Next, I tinkered on
Facebook, but witty just isn't in it today. 

Finally, I moseyed over to "I Am Second" and listened to Tony Dungy talk about getting fired, Janine Turner talk about
rejection ("10,000 rejections"), and Brian Welch talk about life with Korn and
then his life as a full-time dad.  And I found myself weeping and cheering as I listened to  more stories of life turning a corner to hope and relevance.

And I am wondering, "What am
I most afraid of - black mambas or failure and rejection and irrelevance?"  The nice and tidy answer would be that snakes
take the backseat to blowing off Jesus. 
But so far, it is not true.  I'm
still attempting to "manage" against the prospect of  failure, rejection, and irrelevance.  I need him. 
I need him because despite appearances, I am afraid of too many things
and if this life he's given me is ever going to be relevant-count for something,
getting over the snakes and myself has to come first.  I am second. 
He is first.

Or at least, my hope
is that He will be first in this life and I'll find my place in the choir as He
leads.  Minus the snakes.

Today's best download: Exodus 33:14 God said, "My
presence will go with you. I'll see the journey to the end."  The Message (MSG)